Essay:

While you should always look ahead you should never lose sight of who you’ve been...

My house,

31st of December,

2008.

Dear Fred1212,

I should probably start by explaining that I am future you.

Ok, I’m going to give you a minute to pick yourself up off the floor and then you should carry on reading this letter because it contains your future. Mind you, since I fully remember how slow I was, (i.e. how slow you are now) and how I had the self awareness of a skunk, I should probably give you some proof that I really am you. So here goes: You disconnected your first ever match.

Please pick yourself up off the floor.

And stop shouting at the inanimate piece of paper on which I’ve written this! All it can do to you is give you a bad paper cut.

You want more proof? Ok, your last words to Vkultras were: “Fine then! You’re not my buddy anymore! I can live without you! Bye forever!” And might I add that you sounded like you were breaking up with your girlfriend.

Finished whimpering yet? Who am I kidding? I’m you. I think I’ll give you another minute.... or five...

Hey mate, don’t worry! I’m here to tell you that the future is bright! Well brighter. A lot brighter than it currently appears to you now.

In terms of game play I’m afraid you’re going to have to get worse before you get better. A lot worse, and although I realise you already think you’re pretty rubbish now, it is I’m afraid, only going to get worse. People will be happy to see you in game rooms and you might as well change your team name to ‘Playing me is better than a walkover’ because that is exactly what your RP is going to tell people.

In better news you will manage to blackmail your sister to join the game! What? That’s even worse? Well if you’re going to start crying, please don’t use this letter as your hanky – it has the potential to win me 12 euro.

But hey, it’s not all bad because when you begin to play official matches due to your abysmal RP you’ll be fetched up against the level 6’s which will do wonders for your RP if not your self confidence. And you will be very glad of your sister when it comes the time to make your first ever clan ‘Ireland Rules.’ I can’t remember now but I’m thinking ‘Ireland: Yippedy Doo Dah’ and ‘IRELAND IS THE GREATEST, YO MOTHER***’ were both already taken because looking back these are the only two more unfortunate and embarrassing names I could have picked.

In any case your distinguished career will now involve member poaching from the only other clan on the block Fcrathnaconeen’s Republic of Ireland. In this your sister will prove invaluable. Two weeks later she will have managed to sweet talk 32 members in joining, a significant improvement on your 3 members. This is also the point that you will meet one of your best friends in the game. In a relationship initially founded on his CAship and your potential as a thread bumper (i.e. fcrath hiring you to do the dirty work of bumping his masterpieces), he will eventually prove to be more than his CA ship and you hopefully as more than a thread bumper. He will also eventually realise that instead of participating in a long and strenuous clan war you could amalgamate the two clans into a big one called ‘Ireland.’ Which he will then give you the captaincy of, as you are ‘keen’ and he has his eye on Power soccer domination.

Although you don’t even know this website has forums yet, your life will eventually become undeniably intertwined in them. I should quash any thoughts of fame and glory by saying that you will not be getting off to an illustrious start. The offside will be your haunt along with the riddle thread. Soon enough you will progress to putting up threads of your own which will include ‘quality’ such as ‘Screenshot Phenomenon’. Having people perceive your age to be 10 years off in the wrong direction will be one hell of a wakeup call. It’ll be time to use the vocabulary you have - God knows how - managed to obtain. You will get your chance when you go to a remote village in Ireland in early July. With nothing else to do, you will begin to write...

I should probably mention that you were somehow inducted into the Sipwell Salvation Squad around this time.

Who is Sipwell? I hear you ask.

Nobody important...

You may be surprised to hear you’re not going to particularly want the FA job. You’re actually going to be in the middle of your Power Soccer ‘anti establishment’ phase. This will also go towards explaining why your application letter was dodgier than Eindhatre_Marx’s past. Inconveniently your ‘phase’ will last till about 5 minutes after the email was sent, when you will then realise with horror what stupidity you have just committed. Thankfully your next two weeks will be spent without internet in France on holiday, so you can drown your sorrows by accidently knocking over French fishermen on the Dordogne and inflicting your French on the poor, unsuspecting natives.

Coming home with a vague plan to keep your head down so that maybe people will forget your existence, and more importantly your application letter, is instantly scuppered. PM-ed on arrival you will be informed that somehow - which I can only assume involved a lot of string pulling by a certain MA and an awful lot of admins holding their noses while saying things like, “He sounds so mature and responsible! We must have him on our team!” - You have gotten the job! Oh, and that you are being given a new babysitter also known as the MA called Joshyg1306. Sadly he won’t see himself as your babysitter. Instead you are more like another one of his venereal diseases inflicted upon him by God.

After the loss of Fcrathnaconeen to the Marx Brothers and the gradual melting away of your first Irish friends from the site, the clan ‘Ireland.’ will almost die. So you will be very happy to get an invite from CSXI, as you have no friends. There you will meet a lot of fine people, most of whom will ask you to edit their posts... Impossibly, you will next get an invite from the Marx Brothers which you will immediately assume is some very fortunate internet glitch. These people will amazingly let you spam in their forum!

Well I suppose that is the most I can tell you about what lies ahead for you on Power Soccer. All I can add is that I wouldn’t change one mistake, lapse of judgement or faux pas for anything. I have no regrets – it has been fun. But what will keep you coming back time after time to this game (with possible repercussions on your school work) is the community. You will meet tonnes of interesting people ranging from the multiple account abuser to the MA who was a multiple account abuser. These people are what make Power Soccer the addicting game that it is.

While writing this to you, I have been considering my own future in this game. And sadly my life hasn’t really been that interesting up to date. So note to self: By this time next year you should have at least one account suspended, be forcibly removed from your FA-ship by a pissed off MA, and learn lots of new swearwords all of which should be tested on unsuspecting users in the game rooms.

Or perhaps I’ll settle for second best: Level 99, a reporter’s job, and an eventual MA-ship sounds good...

Finally you should know that England won the Ashes this year. Organise an illegal underground Power Soccer betting ring based on this and you could win millions!

Oh, and stop disconnecting your matches – it’s wrong. Cheer up – people are going to like you....

Eventually...

Yours,

Fred1212

P.S. Tomorrow you must not join any cups with dodgy names. Especially just to see who made it because it is your fate to be left holding the baby (the cup master ship) while the clever devil flees, and then a CA will come along and say, “Please step away from the cup, sir,” and you will have to spend most of your new years day explaining that you are not a racist.

I know that in a year maybe a month I will look back on this and think: Wow, how could I possibly have written this.

And so goes life....

End of Essay.

Note: It’s official – I live in my head. To be fair, it is rather nice there. To be absolutely clear this is my competition entry. Ah, the things I do for a tenner! :P

OMG! what an essay! and what a lot of words for Sipwell to sift through! im almost sorry for him... almost... :D

Great thread fred (again) Interesting Eind makes a great thread too so it is close between you too me thinks. Good luck

good thread ... gl for competition =)

yesterday u were so worried bout this not being good enough

but look at it! it really has the potential to win the competition

congrats mate

OMG!!! Another Great Thread from Fred!

How do you do this??

Seriously mate, you should be a RA!!!!!!!

Amazing Thread and nice to read about you!

Good luck!

man that was good!!! way better than drogba's....lol jking...gl to both of u

wow that was brillant ..i loved it

wow, nice story this is up for the race, May you win :D

I knew you would come up with something simular to mine (in the way its thinking outside the box) but then also do a better job on it than what I have and my expectations have not been let down. I knew you would produce something great for this contest and I hope you get at least some reward.

If you don't win its a joke... Best post i have ever read.

great essay man . congratz

(polite applause)

well-played, sir. you are hands-down the best forum contributor in PS history.

Very Nice indeed.

Well Done mate for winning the Contest!

very good inceed

well done mate! Congrats !

well done. congratz mate

congrats mate/>!!!!!!!!!!
a very good essay.!!!

great jop man, now enjoy your tokens :P

Ah another post of shear genius from the great minds that comprise the Marx Brothers...although I may be just a little bit biased :)

Congrats on the award mate! (now quit disconnecting...)

Congratz!!!

Very good!!!..... congratulations...!!.. xD

Larissa ;)

OMG , noo poudes dizer isso de Maradona ! puedes me adecionar clei orkut .
Bay

WEll done mate

Whether is true or not, I must say, this essay was a masterpiece of literature! Your future won't be that bad. We, Power Soccer players, wish you good luck in your future life.

nice essay .. ;)

The best stunner I've ever read in my whole life.

You deserve to be the winner great essay mate and keep it up : D

veryy good.

congrats mate I knew that you would only win!
Enjoy :D